A Longish Tangent

I'm writing a post for Vistaprint, my employer, right now, so technically I shouldn't be blogging. But it'll be quick, and I thought this was interesting.

The post I'm writing for work right now is a reminder to small business owners that "newer" is not always "better."

While writing the introduction, I got off on a huge tangent, and will have to cut almost all of it for the actual post that I send in, but I thought it was interesting. Take a look:

I Don't Love the Original...

But this is a FIRE jam

Thoughts on the 07-08 SHS Boys Hoops Team

         
This month marks the five year anniversary of the Scituate High boys basketball team’s run to the state finals. That 2007-2008 team, on which I was a senior, was the best team ever to play for this town. We finished the season with three losses, by far the most painful of which came in the last possible game we could have played, to Frontier Regional High School in Worcester’s poorly lit and drafty DCU Center.

SatNav: The Real Story of Paul Scholes (Part 2)

Here lies part 2 in the epic saga. Included are very British names, very old cars, and very sophisticated medical terms.

Things I Ponder at 2:00 AM

Why do we say that we're having sex "with" someone, but making love "to" someone? The phrase "having sex" suggests a much shallower emotional bond than "making love," but the preposition "with" seems much more consensual and less one-directional than "to."

Saying you're making love "to" someone implies that they're the direct object, and you're just doin' em. Not the image you want to conjure up if you're going for the whole "making love" thing.

I think that we should switch these two prepositions so they're used with the other phrase.

That's all.

SatNav: The Real Story of Paul Scholes (Part 1)

This is the first in a series of short stories I'll be writing about a detective. This man has one life goal: to uncover the real truth behind the magical talent of one Paul Scholes. How is he so good? Why is he such a private person? Why does he have no middle name?

The truth will be revealed.

A Few Things We Learned From "Snowpocalypse 2013"

I spent Friday night through Tuesday morning holed up at my friends' house in Hull. Here are some observations, discoveries, and inside jokes that happened.

1. Hull has a very resilient power grid. 
2. Never use the ice scraper attachment to scrape the body of your car.*
3. Beirut can be played by lantern light. 
4. The film Act of Valor has a lot of American flags, a fair amount of terrible acting, and quite a few awesome scenes.
5. When in doubt, use a racial slur.**
6. NBA 2K13 is what's hot in the streets. 
7. So is "The Harlem Shake."
8. A sun porch can double as a walk-in refrigerator. 
9. Sometimes, you just forget how to eat.***
10. There are good nights and bad nights at the table. 
11. A big empty jug of protein powder can be recycled into something very useful. 
12. James Harden, Monta Ellis, or Kobe Bryant is your best bet to score 40+.****
13. Hockey is a thinking man's card game. 
14. Paranormal Activity 3 puts 50% of audience members to sleep. 
15. Don't punch walls. 
16. Honey Bunches of Oats (refer to #5) can be crushed up and used quite nicely as breading for chicken parm. 
17. On a scale of 1-sandwich, I'd have to say about an 8.5. 
18. It's cool if two people sleep in Ben's bed.
19. Even if neither of them is Ben. 
20. Beer cartons make good kindling. 
21. You should be on drugs to enjoy the movie The Fall.*****
22. Bitches be like what (refer to #5). 
23. Always double-check the caterpillar.******
24. Jeebus H. Malone. 
25. Crescent rolls and bacon. All day and all night.

*Especially if it's new. 
** This only applies if you're a famous rapper and the slur in question refers to the race to which you belong.
***Even if you just bought everyone's dinner.
****MJ isn't fair.
*****We weren't.
******To me, it looks like a caterpillar. Call it what you want.